It has been a while since I have posted to this blog and it is because sometimes life gets in the way. Mine became all-consuming and I started to drift off into a place where I felt detached from myself. I was just a robot doing what needed to be done and existing but not living. The more time away from writing, the more I became detached. Words are my life! My goal is to get it back and focus on what matters “MOST”, hence, the title Re-Visioning.
I have my students revise their drafts because sometimes it lacks focus, purpose, or careless mistakes have been made. Some drafts are beautifully written but can be taken to the next level. That is how I explain it when they ask why they have to revise.
Life can be revised. Sometimes we get into a pattern where we lose focus, purpose and make careless mistakes. Sometimes we are at the top of our game but just need to switch gears and try something new.
I am at that point. I am re-visioning my life and doing what works for me and mine (my household). My goal of getting published this year did not occur because I drifted and got caught up in existing. Do not let this happen to you and if it does, know that you can switch gears. A new year is coming but more importantly a new day. It doesn’t matter how far down the wrong path you have traveled, as long as you stop and turn around. We can constantly recreate the life that we want for ourselves. We can constantly revise our plans when thrown a curve ball. We can re-vision our purpose. It is never too late. What I will not do is look back another 10 years from now and ask “Why didn’t I even try?”
Well, I have made it to another year and I truly feel blessed. I’ve had my challenges and my triumphs. But, I can honestly say that this was a year of learning life lessons, digging deep to truly understanding myself and my interactions with others (which is what I think your 30’s are all about anyway). It is a journey, this thing called life/wisdom, and I am glad that I get to travel this road. It is mine and I own it with all of its beauty and faults. As a single parent of two I find that my bad days always turn into good days when one of my children does something silly or smiles or whatever. They truly make a difference in my life in a positive way. For so long I chased after the dream of a traditional family and held onto a relationship with their father for far too long but, while he was in and out, they were always there. I am not sure how my life would have been if I did not have them, I can only assume–and remember what they say about assuming. I know that I am a better person that they are here; they have kept me focused and grounded. Children force you to really self-reflect and they peel through all of the layers. So, although it is my birthday, I want to celebrate them. They are my motivation, strength, blood, sweat, and tears. They are my heart and I am rocking this thing called “Single Parenthood”!
Let me preface this by stating that I may change my mind and add to this list but as of now, I feel that if I had to give both of my children (especially my son) a few words of wisdom it would be:
There are two things in this world that can determine your path in life:
- Your peers (the circle you are in)
My original wording was that there are two things that can shut doors and ruin your life, where it would take an extraordinary effort to get it back on track.
- Not getting an education
- Dealing with the wrong people
Since the original wording wasn’t as optimistic, I decided to lighten it up for this post (but believe me, my kids may get it either way). The reason that I chose the two is because both can open doors and provide opportunities but only one can ruin everything that you’ve ever worked for. The second trumps the first because education opens doors and dealing with the wrong people can shut them. It is imperative that young adults know this. I have watched some of my middle school students on the right path academically, let their surroundings and friends get in the way of everything that they’ve worked hard for. I have seen the brightest end up on house arrest, pregnant, addicted to drugs, etc. When I mention this, I always receive the snide remark “well I guess they weren’t that bright.” This is absurd. They are still children, learning how to navigate this world and some are doing without parents but guardians and grandparents trying to fill the role. To this remark, I reply “well, I guess all of the stupid mistakes that you’ve made in life, make you dumb as a doorknob.”
When these students return to me broken and embittered, I tell them these two things. I have them go over their particular situation and those of others that they know have gone down the wrong path. I ask them what do they see? Is there a common denominator? We explore their emotions and accept that its alright to feel this way but we must move on. They search me for answers when the answers are inside of them but they are too young to know that now. It is our job as adults to provide wisdom and not just be “the cool parent” or “the cool adult”. This generation is looking for guidance and formula that they can follow when there really isn’t one. So, I give them what I know to be true. Learn, whether it be the traditional way or an untraditional way. But, learn, read, explore. And if you are going to do these things to better yourself and open doors, then do not slaughter your dreams by dealing with the wrong people. We all make decisions in life and the old adage still holds true: Birds of a feather flock together.
Sometimes we think that staying “down” with others will inspire them and lift them up but, it does the reverse. What inspires greatness is walking in your own light and excellence and when those who want the same for themselves are ready to obtain it, they will come and follow you!
I am not sure what your story is but I know that mine has to be similar to someone out there in the world. I met my children’s father when I was in high school and from that moment forward I saw something in him that he didn’t see in himself. I also noticed that over the years he became less pity-party and more manipulative, always using his good looks and words to get what he wanted. Long story short, it took me until recently to finally let go of the dream and move on. I am still in the process of truly giving up resentment and appreciating the hard lessons learned.
Through it all, I have seen that doors only opened when my focus was not on him and I did not let him back into mine and our children’s lives. New possibilities and happiness, and peace of mind cannot reside within if we keep holding onto the past. Although this is easier said than done for most people (including myself because I am a work in progress), it is a reality that we all must face.
The title of this blog came about when I first realized that I would be and had been a single mom for a while. The in and out and back and forth was not good for the children (or myself) but I was the only constant that they had. I am blessed to have family and friends that have always been there for us but, when you want to realize your dreams (writing, creating, owning your own business) you must make choices that place you in a state where you can move forward and open yourself up to the endless possibilities that exist for you. Those great things do not come when you are chasing after the wrong dream or stuck in a fog over someone or something that doesn’t deserve the attention that you are giving it.
I look back on the many opportunities that I missed out on because I was focused on the wrong thing. I can remember moments when I could have unwrapped the package that would have turned the tables in a positive direction for me but, I didn’t. Staying in destructive situations does something to your self-esteem, pride, emotions. These feelings can be transferred to your children. It doesn’t have to be a relationship that sets it off; it could be a failed job or project, dropping out of school. But, whatever it is, is what it ‘WAS’ and you must move on.
The life you want awaits you and you are never too old or too far behind to start all over again and make it better for yourself. I believe in you and I believe in me. So, let go of the past!