Well, I have made it to another year and I truly feel blessed. I’ve had my challenges and my triumphs. But, I can honestly say that this was a year of learning life lessons, digging deep to truly understanding myself and my interactions with others (which is what I think your 30’s are all about anyway). It is a journey, this thing called life/wisdom, and I am glad that I get to travel this road. It is mine and I own it with all of its beauty and faults. As a single parent of two I find that my bad days always turn into good days when one of my children does something silly or smiles or whatever. They truly make a difference in my life in a positive way. For so long I chased after the dream of a traditional family and held onto a relationship with their father for far too long but, while he was in and out, they were always there. I am not sure how my life would have been if I did not have them, I can only assume–and remember what they say about assuming. I know that I am a better person that they are here; they have kept me focused and grounded. Children force you to really self-reflect and they peel through all of the layers. So, although it is my birthday, I want to celebrate them. They are my motivation, strength, blood, sweat, and tears. They are my heart and I am rocking this thing called “Single Parenthood”!
I am not sure what your story is but I know that mine has to be similar to someone out there in the world. I met my children’s father when I was in high school and from that moment forward I saw something in him that he didn’t see in himself. I also noticed that over the years he became less pity-party and more manipulative, always using his good looks and words to get what he wanted. Long story short, it took me until recently to finally let go of the dream and move on. I am still in the process of truly giving up resentment and appreciating the hard lessons learned.
Through it all, I have seen that doors only opened when my focus was not on him and I did not let him back into mine and our children’s lives. New possibilities and happiness, and peace of mind cannot reside within if we keep holding onto the past. Although this is easier said than done for most people (including myself because I am a work in progress), it is a reality that we all must face.
The title of this blog came about when I first realized that I would be and had been a single mom for a while. The in and out and back and forth was not good for the children (or myself) but I was the only constant that they had. I am blessed to have family and friends that have always been there for us but, when you want to realize your dreams (writing, creating, owning your own business) you must make choices that place you in a state where you can move forward and open yourself up to the endless possibilities that exist for you. Those great things do not come when you are chasing after the wrong dream or stuck in a fog over someone or something that doesn’t deserve the attention that you are giving it.
I look back on the many opportunities that I missed out on because I was focused on the wrong thing. I can remember moments when I could have unwrapped the package that would have turned the tables in a positive direction for me but, I didn’t. Staying in destructive situations does something to your self-esteem, pride, emotions. These feelings can be transferred to your children. It doesn’t have to be a relationship that sets it off; it could be a failed job or project, dropping out of school. But, whatever it is, is what it ‘WAS’ and you must move on.
The life you want awaits you and you are never too old or too far behind to start all over again and make it better for yourself. I believe in you and I believe in me. So, let go of the past!