Let Go of the Past

I am not suLetting-Go-of-the-Past-during-Addiction-Treatmentre what your story is but I know that mine has to be similar to someone out there in the world. I met my children’s father when I was in high school and from that moment forward I saw something in him that he didn’t see in himself. I also noticed that over the years he became less pity-party and more manipulative, always using his good looks and words to get what he wanted. Long story short, it took me until recently to finally let go of the dream and move on. I am still in the process of truly giving up resentment and appreciating the hard lessons learned.
Through it all, I have seen that doors only opened when my focus was not on him and I did not let him back into mine and our children’s lives. New possibilities and happiness, and peace of mind cannot reside within if we keep holding onto the past. Although this is easier said than done for most people (including myself because I am a work in progress), it is a reality that we all must face.
The title of this blog came about when I first realized that I would be and had been a single mom for a while. The in and out and back and forth was not good for the children (or myself) but I was the only constant that they had. I am blessed to have family and friends that have always been there for us but, when you want to realize your dreams (writing, creating, owning your own business) you must make choices that place you in a state where you can move forward and open yourself up to the endless possibilities that exist for you. Those great things do not come when you are chasing after the wrong dream or stuck in a fog over someone or something that doesn’t deserve the attention that you are giving it.
I look back on the many opportunities that I missed out on because I was focused on the wrong thing. I can remember moments when I could have unwrapped the package that would have turned the tables in a positive direction for me but, I didn’t. Staying in destructive situations does something to your self-esteem, pride, emotions. These feelings can be transferred to your children. It doesn’t have to be a relationship that sets it off; it could be a failed job or project, dropping out of school. But, whatever it is, is what it ‘WAS’ and you must move on.
The life you want awaits you and you are never too old or too far behind to start all over again and make it better for yourself. I believe in you and I believe in me. So, let go of the past!

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Dear Stranger

Image  I wrote this today in response to a prompt through #TeachersWrite.  This happened to me a couple of years back but it was one of those pivotal moments in life that you never forget.  One that changes you and your journey forever…

Dear Stranger,

 

It seemed like I used to know you but that must have been a long time ago.  Things have changed with me now and it almost seems as if I have lost my way.  But, it was you who sauntered into the room and decided that I was worth your time and that my dreams should no longer be deferred.  You looked me in the eyes and I asked me was I happy.  I couldn’t understand that you didn’t notice my smile and my laughter.  But, you saw past it and asked me who I was.  I went into a long detailed speech about how I am an educator, wannabe writer, mother, youngest sibling in my family but, not until I retreated back into my own solitude did I realize that wasn’t the question you were asking me at all.

 

How could this stranger notice what so many I have surrounded myself with did not?  How could this stranger ask me the one question that I have tried to avoid for quite some time?  Or maybe I had been waiting for someone to finally call attention to my pain.  It is funny how those who seem to want to be nonexistent, really want to exist and those who smile really want to cry.  For all of the charades that are put on, I think mine was an Oscar winner.

 

That stranger forced me to really look at myself, where I had been, where I was presently, and where I hoped to go.  It forced me to determine who I was and how that was in sharp contrast to who I wanted to be.  I took control that night after the tears and the stages of denial passed.  My days became truly brighter and more purposeful.  I am on a journey and have not yet reached my destination but, I am loving the route there.  I accept my challenges and do not rule them as my terminal fate.  And it is all thanks to the stranger with eyes that could see beyond what was in front of her.

 

Thank you and blessings,

 

Shay