I have been “snowed-in” for the past few days and have completed a lot of homework for my new graduate degree that I’m working on. I have also pinned a lot on Pinterest. In keeping this post short, I was able to sit down with my daughter and go through these pictures and ask her thoughts on what she saw. This was a very enlightening moment as she realized that the world was actually as big as she was being told. Kids are so visual and no matter how many reports they have to write on globalization and multiculturalism, it always hits home when they get to “see” it. The best is when they can experience. I wanted to share with you what I shared with her from a site called distractify.com.
Information and link courtesy of distractify.com
I love Pinterest and anyone that has read my blog and visited my page https://www.pinterest.com/cleckleymedia/ knows this. This is where I get inspired and I am able to create an online scrapbook. Well, much to my daughter’s chagrin, I came across a list of high school must-reads to revisit. Of course, as I was combing through the list, I became giddy with joy at the thought of reading these books again with my daughter; we would have our own mommy/daughter book club. I am sure that she will not read them all during her four years in high school (she is currently in 8th grade). So, why not get a head start on them now together. When I shared the “good news” she sighed. The truth is that she always huffs and puffs at my suggestion for reading material but, then she becomes enthralled and starts to ask me questions. I never let her abandon a book unless I can tell that it is completely over her head. Right now she is wrapping up “Of Mice and Men”. Then we can start on the list! Yippee!
Today I just want to vent a little. For the past several years I have been trying to do big things and open doors for myself to new opportunities. I have gone to trainings, received degrees, taken on more responsibility, let others know what I want and everything else positive that would set me up for success. The issue is that every door that has been closed has stayed closed. I have received so many rejection emails (none in regards to my writing) that it would make the average person give up. But, now it is year six and still no bite. I am getting antsy because bills are piling up, I have children to take care of, and the income is not meeting the demand. I am working multiple jobs where I am so tired that I just cannot bring myself to write.
Well, no longer! What I have been doing is following an agenda that is not aligned with my passion and purpose. As a single parent, I am thinking about affording college, daycare, rent, utilities, groceries, car, etc. The epiphany has come to me many times before but has rung more clear today than it ever has. Follow my passion. Follow my purpose. And at least if I still continue to struggle, I will be a lot happier knowing that I tried and did something I loved.
I am by no means a quitter. But, I am wearing myself thin. I rarely have time with my children trying to make enough to support them and I am still coming up short. I am writer and motivator. I want to help other single parents and write for a living. I want to help society as a whole by those means. Whether or not it becomes lucrative is of no concern to me. I want to live with no regrets.
I regret the amount of time that I have already lost away from my children. I regret running myself into the ground and not focusing on my health and multiple sclerosis trying to take on extra assignments that aren’t recognized nor appreciated. It is time to live for me and my family.
I hear a lot of my friends questioning their purpose and current situations. I hear a lot of regret. I guess the question we end up asking ourselves or should ask ourselves is “what legacy do I want to leave behind?”
Then, go for it!
Our brains are so smart
But sometimes not smart enough
To stop the verbal vomit
That ran across our minds
And escaped over our tongues
Bitter to taste
And the air becomes thick with them
Pollution of the elusive kind
Because it may not just be our words
That made a break from the back of our throats
But others’ words have become stagnant in the air
And silence is longed for
But no amount of it
Can take back, repair, mend what was broken by our words
Silence cherished, after the fact
And the lava still boils
In the souls of the receiver
And the words which erupted
From the volcano of our mouths
Spill out into the already intense atmospheric pressure
And all any of us would like to do
Is retrieve them, eat them.
* I originally wrote this on 9-24-2014
It is late night and my mind cannot stop wandering. This tends to happen all day long and especially at night. As a writer, I find the beauty in words from all around me and then my mind gets to wandering. There are so many ideas that I want to come to fruition. I realize that I have to take it one project at a time. I have taken a short break from my novel to write children’s books; so far I have written two. I am really nervous to write my query letters and submit, but it is 2015 and I know that this is “My Year”.
This year, my focus is on my health and in order to keep my MS under control, I need to take care of myself and zero in on peace and happiness. Stress had taken control of me for the past decade and it cannot happen any longer. I notice that I feel so much better when I write, especially for this blog, when I complete a poem, and when I share what I have written. My writing has been a long journey and I will hold onto hope because it is the anchor for my soul.
These words that are in my head are constantly floating around and they make me someone else. I am a different person with each poem or novel/script idea and if I don’t write it down, then I lose that person. My goal is to get to a place where what I do for a living is write down those floating words. And those floating words will support me and my kids and transform the world around me.
So, these were just some things on my mind and if I could offer any advice, it would be to use your gifts. That’s what they are, gifts, and if we don’t use them there could be a time when we lose them.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 820 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 14 trips to carry that many people.
Click here to see the complete report.
Courtesy of Hallmark Movies & Mysteries
I had to write this post as I am nearing the end of the best movie this season thus far. Every winter, around the holidays, I watch all of the Christmas movies that I can find on Lifetime, ABC Family, Hallmark, and Hallmark Movie Channel. The kids and I love to watch these movies together because they get us into the holiday spirit and come are inspirational. Another channel which is new and I have not had a chance to pay as much attention to is UP, which I am sure has great programming too.
Anyway, a dream of mine would be to write a story that would be adapted into a movie for one of these channels. Each year, they outdo themselves. My cousin in New York and I call and compare notes on the best movie or what we are currently watching. As I type this post, I am watching “The Christmas Secret” on the Hallmark Movie Channel. It is a moving story of a single mother with two children who moves to a town to reconnect with lost family. Her humble and determined nature sets her up for fortune that she could never have imagined. Check out the trailer below, courtesy of Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.
I guess I’m at the age where myself and my peers are wondering what our purpose is on this earth. We are leaving long-term relationships, re-assessing finances and the way in which we spend money, switching careers, more conscious of our health and planning for the future of our children. Some of this may sound like it’s out-of-order but, it seems to be the same spot that everyone I know is in and we are all in the same age range mid 30’s- 40 years old. Speaking for myself I am even more focused on owning my own home and planning for the future. I keep contemplating leaving the classroom and just going for my dreams of being both a novelist and songwriter. It’s scary and I often consider going into real estate because it will allow me some flexibility but the market is so volatile.
Again, scary territory. What about getting up and moving back to my hometown of NY? That’s even an option on the table. I know that there is a huge change coming for me because I can feel it but in the meantime I find myself struggling with feelings of anxiety. What am I anxious over? Mostly, things that are not within my control. And speaking with my peers, I am not alone.
So, I never harp on a problem for too long. I usually go into solution mode and the solution I recently came up with was journaling more consistently (handwritten). It makes me feel good to get out my true feelings and just release. I usually look back over these entries when I am in a different state of mind and learn even more about myself. If you are feeling overwhelmed by life and your path, please consider journaling and those of you who do not like writing or typing can use voice memos on your cell phone or laptops. Let some of it go. It becomes too much to hold on to and creates a daunting outlook.
We are all here to do great things and in order to do those things we must keep ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally renewed.
Yesterday, a thought passed through my mind that I should get the new iPhone 6. Of course a marketing email sent by Apple spurred this thought. But, that’s neither here nor there. I usually try to educate myself before making big purchases and as I have already mentioned in previous posts, I’m really focused on owning my own home. Saving money is challenging when not enough of it is coming in so, I have to be really careful what I spend my money on.
I called T-Mobile and spoke to one of their sales representatives and she explained that I could turn my iPhone 5s in and switch out for the new phone. It sounded easy enough until I started asking other questions like: how much money do I still owe on my current phone, how much would my bill increase, what is the difference in original price between the two phones, and what was so much better about the iPhone 6 vs. iPhone 5s.
What it came down to would be starting all over on a new, more expensive (by $50) payment plan, adding about $3 to my monthly bill for a phone that really only has a faster processing system.
After knowing this, I went into the store and spoke with a salesman who showed me how big the new iPhone was. Wow! Too big for me. After more probing, he finally said that he didn’t think it was worth it and to save my money. That’s just what I did and I am so proud of myself.Lesson to all who read this: Dig a little deeper and keep your cash in your pocket.
So, my two-almost-three-year-old gives me the worst time when I take him out in public. It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to take him anywhere, including church! I have good reason, he randomly yells at people passing by, hits other children, and makes faces at strangers. Of course, I researched and came up with a load of possible reasons why he is the way that he is, my little sprout watching bundle of joy. I had narrowed it down to just a few, oppositional defiance disorder, severe ADHD, and borderline personality disorder. I’ve already taken him to a child psychologist and she prompted me to use the program 1,2,3 Magic! I hope that it works because it is getting hard to find a babysitter to watch him while I go to the grocery store.
After my own analysis of the situation and then speaking with the child psychologist, I came to the conclusion that it “should” be hard to label a two year old. For goodness sake, one of the guidance counselors at my school thinks her son has sociopathic tendencies. Of course we don’t truly believe that there is anything wrong with our children but what we do know is that the behavior being exhibited cannot continue and we want to take action now. Justin’s (my son) pediatrician said that his behavior is normal, especially for a child who spends all day with his older grandparents and is not used to going out and interacting with other children. He stated that the negative behaviors should start to diminish after he starts preschool.
But, guess what? He must be potty-trained to start preschool. And Justin’s response to potty training…. a resounding “No”!
The saga to be continued….