Yesterday morning I woke up with what seemed like the weight of the world on my chest. I couldn’t breathe because I felt utterly lonely and scared. This could have been brought on by the nightmare I had that night but needless to say it rocked my world for some hours. I had to calm myself down and realize that it is impossible to be lonely when you have two children. I started to think about how I might grow old without a companion. That’s what it was that was plaguing me! I was alone,without a companion. It took me some time to work through these feelings as anxiety set in and then very slowly receded. I started thinking about my readers who at some point have or will feel the same way. What advice can I offer and remember I am not board certified. Here is what I came up with:
1. This feeling is temporary even if it may come and go in spurts.
2. Do not let a dream/nightmare/false reality keep you in a place of continuous despair.
3. Find “fullness” in yourself.
4. Make yourself happy.
5. Remember that when you leave this earth, you want your kids to know that you were the best parent that you could be and not that you were always depressed because they weren’t enough and you didn’t plan your life this way.
6. Plans are laughable because life is just a bunch of random circumstances (don’t agree, respond to this post)
7. Do what you love and continue to do it until it wrings every drop of loneliness out of you.
8. Know that this too shall pass and we never know what the future holds.
9. Don’t give up on yourself because your kids haven’t given up on you.
10. Be there for you!!!
I feel a lot better now because I decided that this feeling will not get the best of me. I will parent and write and create and parent and write and create because that is what cures my anxiety. What does it for you? How do you tackle these moments?